Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My vagina just clenched in fear
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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