I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Randomize
