Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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