Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
