I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
