Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
