id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
