he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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