first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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