I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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