I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
