ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
