in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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