I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
