all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I did not marry a roomba.
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