Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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