the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
