I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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