I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize