you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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