I think my vagina is haunted
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize