i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
