Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
