Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How does it feel to date your dad?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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