just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
