I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
