what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
