oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
