i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How does it feel to date your dad?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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