You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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