god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
