don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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