someone get that fucking seahorse.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
