One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
