hotel room ftw
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
