I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
