well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize