I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
