You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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