But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
