glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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