At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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