i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
