I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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