In the future we'll all be gay
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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