that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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