I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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