I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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