I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
