I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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