everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
