he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
