Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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