Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There's always time for handjobs
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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