I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
