Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
