I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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