And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
