Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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