its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
