I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
