Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
