just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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