:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
